As I was talking to my Dutch friend the other day, the subject of going home for another visit came up. Of course it was because I had just bought my tickets for my annual summer trip home. I usually only get to go home once a year, and occasionally also for Christmas, but my Dutch friend is able to visit her family much more often since her home is much closer. She usually goes home four or five times a year for a week or so and her family is able to come visit often as well.
We were talking about how I only had a couple more months before I would be leaving and that she only had to wait until May to see her family since they would be coming for her daughter's birthday. But we wondered how our dear Kiwi friend managed to go for so long without seeing her family. Now I have a long way to fly to get home, but she has nearly double the distance, plus double the kiddie passengers, so she doesn't go home as often as we do.
My Dutch friend said that she feels like we go on with our daily lives always looking for that next trip or chance to see our families without enjoying our lives here. I suppose that it is a bit that way, but on the other hand who doesn't go through their daily lives waiting for a holiday or a chance to get away on vacation. The main difference is that we see our vacations as going home to visit our families, which is a vacation just with a different label.
I have always said that going home is like taking a breath of fresh air and that it keeps me sane, which is true. I miss being totally comfortable with who I am, which is something I have a harder time doing in Italy since I am usually labeled as a foreigner. But the longer I live here in Italy, the more I realize that I really do love living here. However, I will always have a strong tie to America and will always feel American and need to go back to my roots to replenish the American half of me. I don't feel 100% American anymore but I will never feel that I am 100% Italian so I have to keep both parts of me happy and going home to visit family is an important way to do that. It is a large part of who I am. Over the years I have started to become a bit Italianized but I don't think that I will change completely nor do I want to. I love my homes, both of them, and I need to have the ability to live in both, so I try to enjoy both of them to the fullest.
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You couldn't have said it better! the longer you live in a place, the more you miss home yet when you go back you realize you don' fit in 100%...I totally relate to what you wrote but in reverse, asI have been an italian living in america! one of the reasons i moved to france is that I could not handle the distance, yet i still needed to feel "a foreigner"...it's a very comfortable dimension, I find! great post!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Heather, thanks for taking the time to share this. I know that I have become Italianized, but there is no way that I will ever become 100% Italian, that is just the way it is (sempre la straniera). And because of the distance between here and Australia, and the limited opportunities to go back home, I try not to dwell too much on it. But when I do get to go home I feel whole again. I know that I will never lose my Australian side, and I would never want to. I am proud to be Australian and do not see why I should be ashamed to feel that way.
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