Why am I writing this blog?

Today a friend of mine asked me why I am writing this blog.  I replied that I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that I needed to get out, and this was much easier than writing it down in a diary.  That is what used to do long before blogs ever existed.  But then I got to thinking, why AM I writitng this blog.  I guess the underlying answer is that living here is much different than I had ever imagined before I moved.  When I was first considering moving to Italy I imagined it was probably pretty similar to living in America, it was Western Europe after all, how could it be that different!? Right?  WRONG.  I suppose I would have liked to have been able to talk to someone who had been living this life before I came or even to have read about it.  I am not saying that life here is bad, it is just different, some good some bad, which is of course true about anywhere you live.  I am lucky to have made a group of other expat friends that live in my area with whom to share similar stories and frustrations, but this is a way to get it all out there as it comes to me.  So I guess it is just a compilation of my experiences, perceptions and ideas as an American married to an Italian living and raising her child in rural Italy.  But I suppose you probably could have got that from the title.

La Befana

In Italy the Christmas season ends on the Epiphany January 6th, unlike in America when most Christmas trees are on the curb ready for recycling January 1st.  The Epiphany is celebrated in Italy with the passing of the Befana an old woman or witch with a crooked nose and warts that rides around on her broomstick delivering gifts to all of the children of Italy.  She comes on the 5th of January quite like Santa Claus does on December 24th.  She leaves candy and fruit for the good children and lumps of coal, garlic and onion for the bad ones, however most children recieve a little of everything as it is difficult to be good ALL of the time. 

Traditionally she wears tattered clothing and a head scarf and is covered in soot since she comes down the chimney to deliver her gifts.  Children leave cookies and wine for her and usually like to leave crumbs on the floor to be sure she has come since she is famous for being an excellent housekeeper.  She usually comes ringing a bell to warn the children to get into bed as she doesn't like being seen.

There are a few different stories of origins of the Befana but my favorite one goes a bit like this:  The Befana was known in all of the land for being the very best housekeeper with an immaculate home.  When the three wise men were on their journey to see the newborn Jesus in Bethlehem, they stayed one night at the Befana's home and in the morning asked her to come with them.  She declined saying she had too much cleaning to do.  Later on she had a change of heart and set out with a bag full of gifts for the baby Jesus, but in all of her wanderings she never found him and so she wanders to this day in search of him leaving gifts in every home where there is a child. 

In our town children can see the Befana on January 6th in the town hall where she hands out candies and toys for all of the school children.  This year was my daughter's first year to see her as it is her first year in preschool.  She did quite well and wasn't afraid.  Her father was terrified of the Befana well into his early tween years.  My daughter recieved not only candy but a piggy bank to encourage her to save her pennies and a savings account at the local post office. 

She was quite happy and we went for cappuccinos afterwards with her best friend. 

Christmas

Ever since I started coming to Italy and even after I moved I have always spent Christmas at "home" in America with my family. This of course all changed when we had our daughter three and a half years ago. I didn't feel bad being without my husband over Christmas before having her because we always had New Year's together. But I didn't feel that I could take our daughter away from him on this special day...of course not EVERY year. With my husbands job he is unable to travel around the holidays so I am faced with the choice of staying in Italy every year for Christmas or leaving him here with his family while I go to see mine. In the end it has come down to me and my daughter going to America every other year to spend it with my family. Of course it would be better if he would come with us, but that is just part of being married to an Italian farmer, you can't always have what you want when it come to travelling!

The reason why I've always gone "home" for the holidays is obvious I miss my family, and for me Christmas is the holiday of the year. One of the reasons Christmas is so important for me is the family traditions that my family has. I have fond memories of this time growing up. Every year we would go downtown for dinner with our family friends and visit Santa. We still do the dinner even if the Santa pictures have gone by the wayside. That is until this year! Finally I was able to take my daughter to see Santa!!! This wasn't the first year that we were able to spend Christmas in Seattle but it was the first year I was organized enough to do it! She was three and a half this year so we didn't have the terrified pictures with her screaming and red eyed. She actually thought Santa was great! As per family tradition my mother got her a beautiful Christmas dress for the pictures which she loved because she loves being "fancy" (she actually got two just in case she might need two Christmas dresses!...sure does help being the only grandchild!)

The other family tradition that I love so much is that my mother has always done Christmas Eve dinner at our house. I come from a very large family so our Christmas Eve dinners have always been big. I am the oldest of four and the second oldest of nine cousins on my dad's side and my mom's sister's family always comes too so that is two more cousins. Generally there are about twenty to twenty-five people for dinner. In the past few years this number has increased because friends with family far away have come to spend their holiday with us.

When we were children Santa would come to the house after dinner to deliver gifts (ours were always matching pajamas, another family tradition that continues to this day). Now we are all adults so Santa doesn't come to visit. Instead we have a gift lottery. Everyone brings a gift of $10 or less and puts it in a pile. Every person then draws a number and chooses a gift in that order, being able to choose from the pile of wrapped presents or "steal" from someone who has already opened a gift. Some of the presents are really nice and some not so nice, so it is always fun. To add to this fun my cousin brought a gift to the exchange that she had "re-gifted" about five or six years ago. It was a stocking holder but the awful part about it is that it is a canoe with Santa, Frosty and a random black bear in it. This "gift" has been recycled in the gift exchange every year since. (usually hidden from sight with a note wrapped in the box with something like "you are now the proud owner of the Christmas canoe".)

One tradition that I do miss is midnight Mass at the NPCC. A few years ago our pastor moved churches and it was hard to see him go, but for Christmas Eve we would merely go to his new church in West Seattle, but now that my parents have moved West Seattle is quite a drive and all of the local churches have their masses at nine which is very early.

Christmas morning usually consists of mom's homemade cinnamon rolls, mimosas and coffee and now we have a new latte stand that is open on the 25th so coffee has been replaced by lattes and mochas. We then open gifts and laze around the house until dinner when we go to our aunts house (now two blocks away) and enjoy French onion soup, crab salad Turkey, potatoes and of course Auntie Jan's cookies and candies.

New traditions have also started my daughter and I made a gingerbread house this year (something that doesn't exist in Italy) and we all go for a family Christmas pedicure grandpa and kiddo included! We also went on the holiday carousel downtown after seeing Santa and out for holiday lunch with my sisters and mom. Christmas afternoon also includes a family movie although this year it was sold out.

I miss these traditions when I am in Italy although I am happy to be with my husband. In Italy there are different traditions. On Christmas Eve there are only seven of us. My husband, my daughter and me plus my in-laws and husband's grandmother. (basically the same thing as any old Sunday lunch) Catholics don't eat meat on holiday eves so we have fish (yuck) nothing like having spaghetti and tuna with fried fish to ruin your Christmas eve! The tree is very small and the house isn't decorated for Christmas. Last year I decided to make the best of Christmas so I gave my mother in law my old tree to replace her sorry holly bush that she was using as a tree, and a new Christmas table cloth with matching towel and apron. I also offered to do the dinner but was told not to worry, so I made halibut and green beans to add to the traditional meal. One thing that I do enjoy about Christmas in Italy is the Presepe vivente (or live nativity scene) and the mass in Civita. On Christmas Eve. Weather permitting we make the long trek up the bridge to Civita to attend midnight mass (which actually does finish at midnight) The church is cold and you have to be bundled up, but there is flute music played and the priest is wonderful. In the corner of the church is a very large nativity scene which is elaborately decorated with not only the manger but the whole city of Bethlehem around it. They sing Christmas songs and the priest talks about the meaning of Christmas.

On December 26th the town hosts the Presepe Vivente which entails decorating the entire town as if it were Bethlehem with craftsmen of the time, basket weavers, blacksmiths, bakers (with the old ovens fired up) a traditional market with live animals and cheeses for sale. The local people, including children dress up in elaborate costumes made by a local woman and spend the whole afternoon wandering around the town as if it were Bethlehem. At five o'clock Mary who is waiting at the bottom of the bridge is brought up on a donkey and walks through the town looking for a place to stay. Finally they find the stable where she is met with her child (Sofia and I played Mary and Jesus when she was nine months old). Locals and tourist wander through town eating traditional Christmas cookies, drinking wine and eating cheese. These are two traditions that I truly love in Italy.

Of course the years that I am in Italy for Christmas I have continued my family's traditions as best I can. I have a wonderful Christmas tree and I deck the halls (although not as well as my mom does). I make Christmas cookies and we have panettone and coffee for Christmas breakfast. Sofia always gets special Christmas pajamas and I usually wear mine from the year before. My girlfriends and I also have a holiday party for the kids where they exchange gifts and we have tea and cookies while they play. This year we had more of an Epiphany party because two of us had gone home for the holidays, and it actually snowed that morning!

In the end I am happy that my daughter has both experiences and that she can have two very different traditions to love.

Thanksgiving in Italy

This past weekend I celebrated Thanksgiving. I have been living here in Italy for a while now and have always celebrated it. All except for one year. The first time I celebrated Thanksgiving in Italy I was not living here permenantly. I was working for the University and we had a fall course with about ten students. The professor and I decided that it would be fun to have a celebration, not only for the students but also to show the locals what Thanksgiving was all about. That particular year my mom had come to visit Italy for the first time. She came with her sister and they brought suitcases full of goodies (goodies you can't readily find in Italy that are crucial for Thanksgiving). They brought evaporated milk for the pumpkin pies, vegetable shortening for the crusts, pecans for the pecan pies and cranberries, yams and marshmallows just to name a few. That year we cooked our three turkeys in one of the old wood burning ovens in Civita di Bagnoregio.

But this year was a lot like the years that followed my first Thanksgiving experience in Italy. I made my dishes, many with home grown ingredients, the Italian stuffing, mashed potatoes and fennel gratin, but the rest of the more traditional dishes came from ingredients bought well in advance from America.

 

I cooked my turkey in my tiny gas oven and managed to make a lovely dinner yet again this year in my tiny little kitchen. I love continuing this tradition because it is a part of who I am. I want my daughter to see a bit of what it means to be American too. I love getting out the fancy dishes and making yummy foods that remind me of home, and I am so fortunate to have wonderful people to share it with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am proud to say that this year we managed to have six nationalities at my Thanksgiving dinner. Italian, American, French, Dutch, German and New Zealand. I am so lucky to be able to celebrate this holiday, even if it isn't with my family, it is with my family of friends!

 

My Thanksgiving Menu

 

Turkey with an herb rub

 

 

Green bean casseroul

 

 

Fennel au Gratin

 

 

Traditional bread stuffing

 

 

Traditional Italian stuffing

 

 

Candied Yams

 

 

Garlic and Rosemary Mashed Potatoes

 

 

 

Gravy and of course Pumpkin Pie and Apple Pie for dessert (no pics...sorry)

Vietnamese saying

"government and people should be judged separately"

I was watching a program yesterday on tv that showed the repercussions on the people from the use of agent orange in Vietnam during the war to kill the vegetation hiding the Viet Kong.  It was heart breaking to see but while showing the birth defects that it caused in three generations of Vietnamese they mentioned that the Vietnamese don't have any hard feelings about it because they believe in this saying.  Its means that governments do things that don't necessarily reflect the feelings of the people and the people shouldn't be judged for it, especially when that government is no longer around.  I really do agree with this saying and thought I would share it.

Public Health Issues

Luckily my husband and I have been really lucky with our little girl.  Although she was born with a life threatening malformation which required major surgery ten hours after she was born, we have pretty much avoided ever needing the help of a doctor.  In fact I still have to figure out a lot of things when it comes to the Italian health system.
This year is my daughter's first year of preschool.  Of course before she started I was warned by numerous people to just expect that she would get sick pretty often in her first year, being exposed to 27 other kiddos at school.  So after 3 weeks of school I wasn't surprised that she had a bit of a cold.  The weather at the time was very changeable too so it was pretty much a given.  So two days at home with a nasty cough and it was back to school.  I was starting to feel pretty lucky when the beginning of November rolled around.  She had been in school for over six weeks and only a bit of a cough!  So of course I was talking to another mom and marveled about this and she said "zitta! non dirlo troppo forte!"  (shhh don't say that too loud), and what do you know I jinxed myself!  Two days later she had a terrible cough and a fever!  Grrr
The following week when her cough wasn't getting any better I took her to the local "free/government" pediatrician that told me she had an ear infection.  I was given some antibiotics to give her (first time ever in her first three years apart from treatment in the hospital after her initial surgery).  After a week I went back to check that the medicine had worked, and when I went back there was the substitute doctor to whom I had to retell the whole story.  She checked her out and said that the infection wasn't gone and that I should continue the antibiotics for another 4 days! I thought it was a bit odd, but what do I know, I'm no doctor.  So four days later went back to see how she was... Another doctor!  I had to then tell the whole story again from the beginning!  This time the infection was nearly gone in her ear, but had since moved to the other ear.  I was given ear drops this time.  Luckily when we went for this check up she had been fever free for four days...that is until we got back from the doctor's office.  She came home with a fever of 38C (101F) after having sat in the waiting room with five other sick kids.  So this fever lasted three days accompanied by a cough.  Took her back, and what do you know the other doctor was there! After updating her on the past two weeks she told me to stop the ear drops and put her on aerosol treatment for the cough.  That seemed to work.  It got rid of her cough and her fever (probably because it was a bronchitis treatment!) Finally after a two and a half weeks I went back to get her doctor's note to be allowed back to school and the doctor told me that she needed to wait two days and that she looked good, ears were nearly back to normal and her lungs sounded clear and throat was perfect.  
That lasted a whole of four days when she got her first high fever ever.  She had a fever of 39.8C (103.5F) and it wouldn't go down for two days, then it came back a day later.  At this point I finally gave in.  I was getting fed up with having to reexplain her past treatment and symptoms a million times and wasn't getting anywhere with her treatment!  We went to a private doctor "a pagamento" (we paid...60euros...but it was worth it) The doctor was fantastic with my daughter (he has been at it a while, he was my husbands doctor when he was a kid) but he was really great!  He came to our house for her visit and within ten minutes had determined that she had tonsillitis and not one but TWO ear infections!  He gave us a different, stronger antibiotic and a immune system builder (basically really meaty vitamins) which should help her fend off any future illnesses.  I have yet to see her totally healed but he only came three days ago.... So hopefully I have found the answer to my question...why was my daughter sick for nearly a month!
I don't know if it has to do with the difference between emergency care and everyday care, but there is a definite difference in the quality!  When we were at the hospital for our daughter's surgery they did an incredible job, she was taken very good care of.  Thank the lord we were in Italy and not the USA because we would have to have paid nearly 15,000 dollars a day for her treatment which lasted 30days if we had been in the states!  The treatment was excellent and the staff were wonderful, although I can't say so much for the facilities.  But the gap is huge with the everyday care.

Autumn reflections

It's no big secret, I've always loved the fall. As a kid I was the one who couldn't wait for the fall because that meant the beginning of school (yes, school). I loved getting new school clothes and supplies and would be anxious the night before school and not be able to sleep. Plus it was the beginning of the holiday season. The beginning of school, Halloween, Thanksgiving and then Christmas.  I loved it for all of these reasons, but never for the weather.  Living in Seattle means fall is windy and wet. In fact as a kid I never played in the leaves because they all fell off the trees in one day with the first big rain and then they were soaking wet and dirty.

But living in Italy has given me a whole different reason to appreciate fall. Of course I no longer have the anticipation for the beginning of the school year like I did as a kid, Halloween is not celebrated in Italy (well not like it is in the states) and of course I have to do Thanksgiving on a Saturday because it isn't a holiday here. There is no black Friday the day after or the mad shopping rush to truly finish off the fall. But what we have here is truly fall.

The main difference I have noted living here these past ten years is the changing of the leaves. As I mentioned before in Seattle the leaves were on the trees one day and gone the next. In Italy we are lucky to have very sunny weather in the fall (at least compared to the Pacific Northwest). The flora is also different. In western Washington there is an over abundance of evergreens (hence the Evergreen State). But in central Italy we are mainly surrounded by Oak and Maple trees which make for a lovely blanketing of yellow, orange and rust colored leaves. Living in the country I am blessed to have an incredible drive to work everyday. Five minutes into my commute I pass through "la carbonara", a small wooded area, which the main road cuts right through. Most of the drive is open countryside and the road is spotted with beautiful fall colors nearly the whole way.

The other thing that I love about the fall in rural Italy is the food. Since we live in the country we have the opportunity to gather porcini mushrooms and newly fallen chestnuts. We have a large olive grove and we harvest the olives for our family olive oil, and then there is the pig. We have our very own sausages and prosciutto to enjoy all fall and winter. The smells and tastes that the local cuisine bring are incredible. Nothing like a slice of bruschetta toasted on the fire in the fireplace drenched in this year's new olive oil with its spicy flavor.

Fall is still one of my favorite seasons, and it is definitely my favorite season in Italy!