Italian doctors and the truth

My daughter was born it Italy four years ago.  When I delivered her she was whisked away from me immediately.  I was told that it was for the fact that the room was too cold for her and they had to move her immediately to the nursery.  I took that as a reasonable answer and let it go, heck I was so out of it after 14 hours that they probably could have told me anything and I would have believed them.  But when I arrived back in my room and asked to see her they told me that she was having trouble breathing.  When I asked them why, they hmmed and hawed about it and never really gave me a real answer.  I asked if maybe she had inhaled some amniotic fluid and they say "yes, that may be what it is, but we are checking it out".  I started to worry a bit but they continued to beat around the bush and assured me that she was stable. Eventually, after about five hours after delivery they asked me if I wanted to see her.  (Stupid question if you ask me).  On the way to see her they told me that they would need to transfer her to a different hospital since they didn't have the facilities to take care of her breathing problem.  They then told me that she needed an operation to fix her breathing, but nothing more specific than that.  Although I was still a bit delirious from the labor and delivery I was really concerned that they get her to a hospital where she could get the care she needed, I wasn't as concerned with exactly what for at the time, because that wasn't really what mattered.  Her immediate care was what mattered.  She was soon taken by ambulance to the nearest equipped hospital an hour away with my husband and mother-in-law close behind.  Later they asked me to start pumping to get my milk going.  I thought that was a good sign and was more than pleased to do it.  

The next day my doctor came in to see how I was doing.  The whole night before my mom had been trying to figure out what was going on (she doesn't speak Italian) and I was doing my best to do the same, but was also trying to recover from the long, difficult child birth which meant that I wasn't much of a help to her.  When the doc came in he very casually said "your daughter came out of surgery during the night and she is doing fine.  She just had a hole in her diaphragm and they simply closed it up".  He made it sound as if it were nothing at all.  My mom then took this and had my dad, back in  the U.S, contact our family friend and pediatrician to see what the heck it was.  We found out later that our little angel was born with what is called Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH).  It is basically the lack of development of the diaphragm which leaves a hole allowing, in my daughter's case, her intestines and spleen to move into her chest cavity therefore displacing her heart to the right and collapsing her left lung.  Of course none of the Italian doctors ever told me this.  They never gave me the gory details, I had to find them out for myself.  

During our daughter's one month stay in the hospital NICU I realized that this was common practice.  The doctors never went out of their way to explain more than the bare minimum.  I had to ask about everything.  They seem to work on a "need to know basis"> what THEY think you need to know.  I suppose that if they had told me immediately after her birth what she had, I may have had a serious psychological crisis, especially not being able to do anything about it.  But the fact that they wouldn't tell my husband what was going on until he threatened to start breaking stuff tells me that it wasn't just for my "benefit".   Therefore, I was getting all of my information from this family friend and from a childhood friend of mine who at the time worked in the NICU in Seattle.  They were great about giving me information and questions that I should be asking my Italian doctors.  Although the doctors didn't come right out and tell me everything, I had to dig to get information, they were very willing to discuss things once I asked about them.  In fact they told me "ah you can tell you are a foreigner, most Italian parents don't ask these types of questions".  Maybe they just aren't used to people wanting to know the gory details about their children.  This all said, I am very grateful for the care that my daughter received while in the NICU and I do have to say that the doctors were incredible, although I would have liked it if they had just come right out and told me the gory details.  

So why am I writing about this now?  Well I thought that maybe it was all linked to major traumas and things of the sort.  In fact when a student of mine (an oncologist at the local hospital) told me that most cancer patients don't want to know the whole truth, so only the close family are told the gory details about how long they have, I wasn't too shocked, shocking as it may seem.  But yesterday our private pediatrician told me that my daughter had pneumonia.  Only problem is that he told me yesterday, not on Monday four days ago when he first visited her.   He told me "Yes, I had planned on coming back to check on her today (he makes house calls, a definite plus) even if you hadn't called, because though I didn't tell you on Monday I knew she had pneumonia.  I just didn't want you to freak out!"  I thought to myself.  Yeah, well if you had told me it was this serious I wouldn't have taken her out to get the shopping this morning!!!  Maybe I am strange, I am una straniera (foreigner), but I don't freak out about things my daughter may have, I don't go into hysterics, I want to have all of the knowledge I can get my hands on to do the best job to keep my daughter "safe and healthy".  I tell her that everyday "it's mommy's job to keep you safe and healthy", so how the heck am I supposed to do that if I don't have all of the information.  

Our pediatrician is great, he has a wonderful rapport with our daughter and does a great job curing her.  He did start her immediately on the necessary medication to deal with the pneumonia, I just wish he had been more upfront with the diagnosis the first day!  I suppose doctors are influenced by their environment, if most people around here freak out and go into hysterics then maybe I can see the reason behind it, but as a good friend of mine said recently in a different situation " I am a (kiwi, she said) American shaped peg being squeezed into an Italian shaped hole" and sometimes that is not always easy to deal with some of these differences, especially when it comes to my daughter!