My daughter's future ambitions

The other day my little one was playing on her Barbie motorbike and kept getting off to "fill it up with gas".  Later on when we were talking I asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up and she said "I want to be a gasser mommy!"  (taking the word gas and adding the -er like teach-> teacher, only problem is gas isn't a verb)

Later on I went to her parent teacher meeting and one of the things that they have been working on at school is drawing what they want to be when they grow up and there she drew a picture of herself and nonna, here the title was "when I grow up I want to wash the dishes with nonna"

I hope this is just her misunderstanding of the question (she is obsessed with getting bigger, but relative to what a four year old sees as bigger...being able to reach the top shelf, ride the bus alone, etc) not with what her future ambitions really are!  I am sure this is the problem because the question in Italian is "cosa vuoi fare da grande" and What do you want to do when you grow up in English.  For her growing up is getting taller and being "grande" is pretty much the same thing.  In fact when I asked her what job she wanted to do when she was a mommy she said (after saying cook dinner and do the dishes) I want to help teach the kids.  (Probably since that is what I do!)

A four year old's understanding of death

I have always been fairly straight forward with our little one about death.  Trying to explain things at her level but being honest about it. (The cat didn't go to someone else's house like nonna says, he probably died)  Maybe it is a bit harsh, but I lost my baby brother when I was five and was not told anything but the truth about it and I was much better off for it.
Last year my husband's grandfather of nearly 91 died after many long years of battling prostate cancer.  We went to the funeral (that time my daughter was 3) and I tried to explain that we were sending nonno to be with baby Jesus.  She took that as good, and made the connection with the fact that he was no longer at his house when we went to visit.  Later on during a thunderstorm my mother in law said to her "ah that's nonno shelling the nuts!"  She repeated this line a couple of times, but now doesn't really believe it.
At the beginning of the week my in laws went to the cemetery to take flowers to Nonno Peppone's grave for the one year anniversary of his death.  When my daughter asked me where they were going, and I told her that they were taking flowers to nonno because it had been one year since he'd died she said in a very happy voice "IS HE COMING BACK!?"  It was such a sweet thought that nonno had gone to visit Jesus, but was now coming back to be with us.  Unfortunately, I had to tell her that no he wasn't coming back anymore.  She was a bit bummed about it, but let it go pretty quickly.
That was almost as cute as my sister (age 3 at the time) asking my mom if there were phones in heaven so she could call our little brother in there.

My daughter's "mother tongue"

Being an ESL teacher in Italy I obviously teach English to a lot of Italians.  Many of my lessons are individuals since I don't usually work evenings, and many of these are conversation lessons.  One common question my students ask is: "Does your daughter speak English?"  To me that is the silliest question ever!  OF COURSE she speaks English!   But it comes as a shock to most people.  They ask how I manage to do it, and "doesn't she get confused?" and most recently, "what is her first language?".  This one got me thinking.  According to the standards set by Cambride (I am an oral examiner for their exams), English is not considered her mother tongue. But in my opinion it IS.

From the time I got pregnant I decided that I would speak exclusively to her in English, no matter what, and over the past four years I have stuck to this vow.  She therefore had a very clear idea of who spoke what and until recently she has always responded to me in English and is easily able to flip into Italian if necessary without a second of thought.  I say until recently because she now attends preschool at the local school and is learning a lot of new vocabulary at school, that I don't necessarily use, so they occasionally get thrown in here and there.  For example today she said "mommy, you know I sure have a lot of terra in my shoes, I need to dump them out!" 

So why do I think that her first language is English?  For a few reasons.  First, when she began speaking her first words were in English, when she started making sentences her first sentences were in English and last summer at the age of three upon our return to Italy after two months in America, she had completely forgotten how to speak Italian, she could only remember a handful of words.  Another funny thing is that when she talks in her sleep it is in English.  

Another reason that I think it is her first language is that the level of English that she uses is very advanced for her age.  She uses many synonyms and has a very large vocabulary. Whereas in Italian she has the vocabulary of a four year old, which is her age, and of course completely normal but making a comparison between the two she is more advanced in English.  

I don't know how she will continue to develop once she is in Elementary and secondary school, but my hope is that with annual trips to America and continuing to speak to her in English  she will help stay ahead in her English.

Christmas in America

Ever since I started coming to Italy and even after I moved I have always spent Christmas at "home" in America  with my family.  This of course all changed when we had our daughter three and a half years ago.  I didn't feel bad being without my husband over Christmas before having her because we always had New Year's together.  But I didn't feel that I could take our daughter away from him on this special day...of course not EVERY year.  With my husbands job he is unable to travel around the holidays so I am faced with the choice of staying in Italy every year for Christmas or leaving him here with his family while I go to see mine.  In the end it has come down to me and my daughter going to America every other year to spend it with my family.  Of course it would be better if he would come with us, but that is just part of being married to an Italian farmer, you can't always have what you want when it come to travelling!

The reason why I've always gone "home" for the holidays is obvious I miss my family, and for me Christmas is the holiday of the year.  One of the reasons Christmas is so important for me is the family traditions that my family has.  I have fond memories of this time growing up.  Every year we would go downtown for dinner with  our family friends and visit Santa.  We still do the dinner even if the Santa pictures have gone by the wayside.  That is until this year!  Finally I was able to take my daughter to see Santa!!! This wasn't the first year that we were able to spend Christmas in Seattle but it was the first year I was organized enough to do it!  She was three and a half this year so we didn't have the terrified pictures with her screaming and red eyed.  She actually thought Santa was great!  As per family tradition my mother got her a beautiful Christmas dress for the pictures which she loved because she loves being "fancy" (she actually got two just in case she might need two Christmas dresses!...sure does help being the only grandchild!)
The other family tradition that I love so much is that my mother has always done Christmas Eve dinner at our house.  I come from a very large family so our Christmas Eve dinners have always been big.  I am the oldest of four and the second oldest of  nine cousins on my dad's side and my mom's sister's family always comes too so that is two more cousins.  Generally there are about twenty to twenty-five people for dinner.  In the past few years this number has increased because friends with family far away have come to spend their holiday with us.
When we were children Santa would come to the house after dinner to deliver gifts (ours were always matching pajamas, another family tradition that continues to this day).  Now we are all adults so Santa doesn't come to visit. Instead we have a gift lottery.  Everyone brings a gift of $10 or less and puts it in a pile.  Every person then draws a number and chooses a gift in that order, being able to choose from the pile of wrapped presents or "steal" from someone who has already opened a gift.  Some of the presents are really nice and some not so nice, so it is always fun.  To add to this fun my cousin brought a gift to the exchange that she had "re-gifted" about five or six years ago.  It was a stocking holder but the awful part about it is that it is a canoe with Santa, Frosty and a random black bear in it.  This "gift" has been recycled in the gift exchange every year since.  (usually hidden from sight with a note wrapped in the box with something like "you are now the proud owner of the Christmas canoe".)
One tradition that I do miss is midnight Mass at the NPCC.  A few years ago our pastor moved churches and it was hard to see him go, but for Christmas Eve we would merely go to his new church in West Seattle, but now that my parents have moved West Seattle is quite a drive and all of the local churches have their masses at nine which is very early.
Christmas morning usually consists of mom's homemade cinnamon rolls, mimosas and coffee and now we have a new latte stand that is open on the 25th so coffee has been replaced by lattes and mochas.  We then open gifts and laze around the house until dinner when we go to our aunts house (now two blocks away) and enjoy French onion soup, crab salad Turkey, potatoes and of course Auntie Jan's cookies and candies.
New traditions have also started my daughter and I made a gingerbread house this year (something that doesn't exist in Italy) and we all go for a family Christmas pedicure grandpa and kiddo included!  We also went on the holiday carousel downtown after seeing Santa and out for holiday lunch with my sisters and mom.    Christmas afternoon also includes a family movie although this year it was sold out.

I miss these traditions when I am in Italy although I am happy to be with my husband.  In Italy there are different traditions.  On Christmas Eve there are only seven of us.  My husband, my daughter and me plus my in-laws and husband's grandmother.  (basically the same thing as any old Sunday lunch)  Catholics don't eat meat on holiday eves so we have fish (yuck) nothing like having spaghetti and tuna with fried fish to ruin your Christmas eve!  The tree is very small and the house isn't decorated for Christmas.  Last year I decided to make the best of Christmas so I gave my mother in law my old tree to replace her sorry holly bush that she was using as a tree, and a new Christmas table cloth with matching towel and apron.  I also offered to do the dinner but was told not to worry, so I made halibut and green beans to add to the traditional meal.  One thing that I do enjoy about Christmas in Italy is the Presepe vivente (or live nativity scene) and the mass in Civita.  On Christmas Eve.  Weather permitting we make the long trek up the bridge to Civita to attend midnight mass (which actually does finish at midnight) The church is cold and you have to be bundled up, but there is flute music played and the priest is wonderful.  In the corner of the church is a very large nativity scene which is elaborately decorated with not only the manger but the whole city of Bethlehem around it.  They sing Christmas songs and the priest talks about the meaning of Christmas.  On December 26th the town hosts the Presepe Vivente which entails decorating the entire town  as if it were Bethlehem with craftsmen of the time, basket weavers, blacksmiths, bakers (with the old ovens fired up) a traditional market with live animals and cheeses for sale.  The local people, including children dress up in elaborate costumes made by a local woman and spend the whole afternoon wandering around the town as if it were Bethlehem.  At five o'clock Mary who is waiting at the bottom of the bridge is brought up on a donkey and walks through the town looking for a place to stay.  Finally they find the stable where she is met with her child (Sofia and I played Mary and Jesus when she was nine months old). Locals and tourist wander through town eating traditional Christmas cookies, drinking wine and eating cheese.  These are two traditions that I truly love in Italy.
Of course the years that I am in Italy for Christmas I have continued my family's traditions as best I can.  I have a wonderful Christmas tree and I deck the halls (although not as well as my mom does).  I make Christmas cookies and we have panettone and coffee for Christmas breakfast.  Sofia always gets special Christmas pajamas and I usually wear mine from the year before.  My girlfriends and I also have a holiday party for the kids where they exchange gifts and we have tea and cookies while they play.  This year we had more of an Epiphany party because two of us had gone home for the holidays, and it actually snowed that morning!

In the end I am happy that my daughter has both experiences and that she can have two very different traditions to love.

Good Friday Procession

As I promised below in my "Preparations for Easter" post. I will talk about the Italian traditions that we have for Easter. This year, like every year, we bundled up and left the house after dinner at around 9.30. We walked down the candle lit main street of the historic center of town and waited in the main square in front of the Cathedral for the Good Friday Procession. 

Our town, like many others in Italy, puts on a living Nativity at Christmas and a Good Friday Procession at Easter. Local residents are dressed in typical clothes of the time to commemorate the birth and death of Jesus. It is a very heart felt event for the locals and as my husband noted as my camera batteries died "sono sempre quelli, le stesse persone che fanno i soliti personaggi. Se fai la foto quest'anno sara' uguale anno prossimo" It's always the same people playing the same roles every year. If you take a picture this year, it will look the exact same as the one the following year. This is absolutely true. It is something that starts at a young age. Some of my daughter's older classmates participated and as my mother in law said, it is something that the parents talk about from the time the children are young so it is ingrained in them to participate. It is so important that about two weeks before Easter you can find signs around town announcing times to come and try on and reserve costumes for the event. Something also very interesting is that the costumes are all made by the local woman who owns the award winning ice cream shop.

Before the long procession in the main part of Bagnoregio, there is a mass in Civita di Bagnoregio where Jesus is removed from the Crucifix and laid on a red velvet bed. He is then transported by four local "Jesuits" to the procession, followed by the local priest, and local parishioners carrying large lanters and other locals praying and singing for more than a mile walk each way with an steep uphill climb at both ends. He is the final part of the procession representing Jesus after the crucifixion on his way to the tomb. The wooden Crucifix is from the 15th century Donatello school and is very precious to the Civitonici (the local population, my husband being one of them). One of the incredible things about this crucifix is the fact that the wooden figure of Jesus can be removed and his arms placed at his side.

After the procession has ended in Bagnoregio Jesus is brought back to Civita and welcomed with a large bonfire in the dirt square in front of the Duomo di San Donato and placed in front of the alter where the Easter blessing is said and local people are able to touch and kiss Jesus.

As I said before my new camera's batteries died at the beginning of the procession so I have posted here the photos from last year.

 

Things I'm enjoying this weekend

The annual trip to Bagnoregio after dinner to watch the Good Friday procession and then to Civita to welcome Jesus home with a huge bonfire.

The beautiful sunny weather (especially since it is supposed to rain for Easter Sunday)

A lovely afternoon on the farm with my hubby and baby!

dying eggs with Sofia for the Easter Bunny to come pick up.

My sweet angel

A tasty cup of caffe latte with "orzata" as a substitute for almond syrup

No work for 5 days straight!

Going to the "kiosko" after dinner for an ice cream

The opportunity to spend more time with my hubby

writing on my blog

Taking pictures with my new camera

Spring flowers on my table and on my balconies!

Yummy homemade minestrone and fresh mozzarella

Strawberries for dessert

Clean clothes hanging on the line in the sun

As we left the bakery today after getting yet another free cookie from the owner Sofia says "mommy, they really do make tasty cookies at the bakery, don't they!"

Sometimes it cracks me up how she speaks like an adult at times in such a matter of fact way.

Easter preparations

This afternoon my daughter had to do two things, one to prepare for the beginning of Easter as per Italian tradition and the other for an American one.  Of all of the holidays that I have spent in Italy, Easter is much better here than back at home, but I still love keeping my American traditions alive nonetheless.  The first thing my little one had to do today was have a good long nap, so that she would be rested for this evenings event, which is the Easter procession for Good Friday, the crucifition of Christ.  The other was to decorate Easter eggs so the Easter Bunny could stop by and pick them up to hide for her on Easter morning at nonna's house.   Two completely different aspects of Easter, but both part of how we celebrate.

Here is some documentation of our decorating!  Pictures from this evenings event will follow shortly.

Teaching your kids your language

This is something that usually comes naturally to every parent.  Living in a foreign country can sometimes make it difficult.  It was clear to me that because I was living in Italy and married to an Italian that our daughter would obviously speak Italian.  So while I was pregnant with her I resolved that I would only speak English to her no matter what.  That is all fine and good, but my in-laws were a bit concerned.  "How will she learn Italian?  How will we know what you are saying to her?  My answer... "That is all up to you".  The other question was... "Won't she be confused?"  My response was "Why would she be confused if I only ever spoke to her in English?"  A blog that I follow explains the delecacy of this very well.  But I figured having a clear definition of who spoke what would make it easier for our daughter to understand.

The funny thing that I noticed  was that her first words and sentences were in English even though we lived in Italy and though she didn't have the speach delay that most bilingual children she didn't start speaking much Italian until later.  I suppose it is because I only work part time and my husband works overtime, so she was exposed to English much more than Italian.  Even my friends spoke to her in English.  So I sometimes wonder what her first language is, in my opinion at the moment it is English since she speaks it much better than she does Italian, but she is getting better in Italian every day being in preschool. 

Being an English teacher I am keen to have her take the Cambridge English exams which according to the guidelines she could take as a L2 candidate.  According to their criteria she is not mother tongue since she lives in a non English speaking country, with one non English speaking parent and attends a non English speaking school.  I would beg to differ with them but if they don't classify her as mother tongue then I will take advantage of their exams and preparation (lord knows the English preparation in Italian schools is crap!)

Sometimes I wonder which language she will speak to her kids, or where she will prefer to study and work.  I suppose I am lucky that English is the international language, so she will always have some use for it, but as she grows I wonder if she will continue to speak better English than Italian or if they will switch. 

Finally to answer the questions posed in the blog post mentioned earlier, my daughter seems to dream in English (as she is a sleep talker), and plays in both languages (talking to her baby dolls and imaginary friends).  It should be interesting to see how she does this summer upon return from America...will she forget her Italian once again or will she retain it better this year?  I'll let you know come September!

My daughter just had her birthday party last weekend. Like every year I threw a traditional American birthday party for my little angel. Some of you may ask "what is an "American" birthday party?" The answer to the question is simple. I had a theme for the party, this year it was a princess party. I organized games, made party favors and made the cake and decorated it along with the entire place myself. There were happy birthday banners, balloons, streamers and centerpieces. I sent out American birthday invitations (thank you dollar tree!) to 17 of my daughter's classmates and dressed my daughter up in her pink and white party dress.


So why is this a big deal? Well after having thrown 4 birthday parties for my daughter in Italy I have started to notice some differences... (as usual, I am constantly comparing my old life to my new one). The first difference is that only one of the moms called to RSVP (other than my two good friends of course). This makes planning the party a bit difficult especially for the food! I was frantic about how much food to order and prepare! Last year I had ordered tonnes of food and only six kids showed up. This year I was lucky and there was plenty of food and plenty of kids showed up.

Another difference is that in America kids are usually dropped off for the party at a certain time and then picked back up at a specific time, but as I found this year, not only do the kids that are invited come but so do their moms, dads and siblings! We actually had a family of 5 show up! This definitely makes food planning difficult.

Now I always consider my daughter to be Italian American since she is half and half, but in reality she is more 75% Italian since this is her home for about that much of the year and only 25% American. In fact the next  difference is that there aren't usually games organized at birthday parties, so even though I tried to get some games going (pin the crown on the princess and musical chairs) the kids were much happier to just run around like crazy outside and climb all over the play house than to play my silly games. They just didn't see the point!

One thing that I always do is present time.  In Italy kids usually open their gifts as their guests arrive.  This is totally different for me and I have never like it.  I love having all of the kids sit around and watch present opening.  It also gives me the ability to get organized and be able to take video and pictures of my little one opening her presents take note of who gave her what so I can send out thank you cards (yet another thing that isn't done here!)

Two things I did organize that the kids did enjoy (and the mothers noted as being "very American") were the crafts table and the party favors. The crafts table idea was given to me by my Dutch friend who usually has a coloring table at her daughters party. I had gone to the Dollar Tree in America during one of my visits and got lots of foam visors and bags with the sticky foam shapes. It was cheap and the kids loved it! Same thing with the party favors, I stocked up at the same store with Princess note pads, rings pens and crowns (all 4 for a dollar) and then put in some Kinder chocolates  that I had bought here.

At the end of the party one of the Italian moms made a comment to another after having received the party favor bag "ah ma questa e' una cosa che fanno loro" (this is something that they do). Now being foreign the locals sort of clump you into two groups: American (or any English speaking country) and Western European or "Extracommunitari". Apparently they think that our group (American, Kiwi, Dutch and French) all do the same things and that we are more or less the same! Now I have been to their birthday parties and I am the only one that has ever done party favors, so really it is "una cosa mia" (it's MY thing), and my Dutch friend even said "why do they always say that it is our thing, I am Dutch, you are American, we aren't the same!". I sometimes feel like I am ALWAYS comparing America to Italy, but I suppose it is because it is always  being made apparent to me by the locals in everything that I do. And you know what? I am proud that I am different, but sometimes it makes making Italy feel like home a bit more difficult.

Waiting to travel and filling in the gaps

As I was talking to my Dutch friend the other day, the subject of going home for another visit came up.  Of course it was because I had just bought my tickets for my annual summer trip home.  I usually only get to go home once a year, and occasionally also for Christmas, but my Dutch friend is able to visit her family much more often since her home is much closer.  She usually goes home four or five times a year for a week or so and her family is able to come visit often as well.
We were talking about how I only had a couple more months before I would be leaving and that she only had to wait until May to see her family since they would be coming for her daughter's birthday.   But we wondered how our dear Kiwi friend managed to go for so long without seeing her family.  Now I have a long way to fly to get home, but she has nearly double the distance, plus double the kiddie passengers, so she doesn't go home as often as we do.
My Dutch friend said that she feels like we go on with our daily lives always looking for that next trip or chance to see our families without enjoying our lives here.  I suppose that  it is a bit that way, but on the other hand who doesn't go through their daily lives waiting for a holiday or a chance to get away on vacation.  The main difference is that we see our vacations as going home to visit our families, which is a vacation just with a different label.  
I have always said that going home is like taking a breath of fresh air and that it keeps me sane, which is true.  I miss being totally comfortable with who I am, which is something I have a harder time doing in Italy since I am usually labeled as a foreigner.  But the longer I live here in Italy, the more I realize that I really do love living here. However, I will always have a strong tie to America and will always feel American and need to go back to my roots to replenish the American half of me.  I don't feel 100% American anymore but I will never feel that I am 100% Italian so I have to keep both parts of me happy and going home to visit family is an important way to do that.  It is a large part of who I am.  Over the years I have started to become a bit Italianized but I don't think that I will change completely nor do I want to.  I love my homes, both of them, and I need to have the ability to live in both, so I try to enjoy both of them to the fullest.